The commitment to love-Part 2(Him/Her first)

Part 1

I get all sorts of answers. Some have told me, “Girls don’t call boys”, “well airtime…” and sometimes I have asked those whose concern was not being taken out-would you go to kikumi kikumi(cheap eating place) and I wish you could see the expressions on their faces.I have realized that books are good but they are just like a signpost and you can’t make an iron clad rule from them. I read a book, “Secrets of an Irresistible Woman” and the author wrote that girls don’t call boys but she qualified the statement. Just getting the 4 words from the whole paragraph can make one miss the authors point. Well, when I call a lot, he/she will think that I miss him/her a lot. Do you miss him/her? Yes! Let the peace of God act as the umpire in our hearts to guide us and not just what so and so said. I am not saying you go on rampage but hey let your commitment show. Love always has the interests of the other person at the back of its mind. God, who is Love, has shed His Love in the depths of our hearts and we can love anybody. The other thing is we should not try to measure what so and so did for his/her spouse with what was done to you or what you did. Walk in the light and ability you have. Sometimes a text message, a rose, a call, an impromptu lunch, a message on their facebook wall, a beep, a stroll together, opening doors etc can do so much good. (Learn your mate’s love language- a good book is “The Five love languages” by Gary Chapman).

This kind of love has never been to a divorce court and will never go. It doesn’t seek its own but is concerned and considerate of the others. It puts them first. Like I said before, love qualifies actions and not vice versa. 1st Cor. 13 talks about actions independent of love as being empty and meaningless. If both parties try to outdo one another in love, relationships will be like heaven on earth. Don’t wait for them to act a certain way so that you walk in love. Take the precedent whether they act like worthy of your love or not. Well, they may take me for granted and they will think I am desperate etc. Do you realize it is about you again? I said you consider them and not what they think of you.Well, you are just concentrating on love, one may say, what about money? The problems in relationships concerning money can be traced back to lack of love or selfishness. A man will tell his mate how he doesn’t have money and then go ahead and buy chromium rims and tell her how he needed them. A woman will withdraw money without her husband’s knowledge to help her friend in need. In both cases, they will end up fighting but what if they had asked themselves before they acted-what would love do? Then there would be no money handling problems. Absence of money can also be a problem but then we should just learn to get the money. But you can still abide in love when there is little. I will tackle money at a later time.

The commitment to love ignores the failures/shortcomings of the other for love covers a multitude of sins. I am not talking about telling lies. You never lie for anybody. No, I am talking about covering. Just don’t bring it up, don’t talk about it. This may sound easy but many times I have caught myself just yapping about something I shouldn’t. We need to check it out before we say anything for Love does no harm. It always covers. (1st Pet 4:8, Prov. 17:9). It doesn’t uncover or expose as we usually do. The way we talk about our mates is as if they are the only ones who fail. All of us have missed it and do miss it such that to broadcast their problems doesn’t benefit you or them. Well, people have a right to know. No scripture supports this.

You may be bumpy and have a million goose bumps for a time and half a time, but when the rubber meets the road, you must make a willing decision to love them irrespective of how they act. When folks start talking negatively about their mates, this is the perfect time to say good bye and hit the road. You shouldn’t always have an opinion about anything. The hardest times in conversations is when I have had an opinion and the lord said shut up. My mouth still wanted to continue and the times when I have ignored that, I have missed it really bad. Let us not make gossip a favorite pastime. I can hear some folks saying, well we are to speak the truth and be open and frank. I have used the same excuse before and this has only dawned on me when I started thinking about love; Eph 4:15 says we are to speak the truth in love.

We usually talk about being open but I have realized that in most cases when we say let us open up, we are asking the other fella to talk about where they have missed it or the problems they have. Statements like “Some people pretend as if they don’t have any problems but we need to open up” have led many of us to just speak so that we are “real”. Usually when we say our problems, people just say let us pray. I am not demeaning prayer but it is just being spooky. I usually pray about my problems (refer to the trouble that trouble article ) or I share with just one other fellow since 2 can pray the prayer of agreement (see my series on prayer). There is also this temptation to start revealing information about your mate when somebody tells you their problems because you feel it is fair to do so. No, it is not! Don’t fall into that trap. It is little wonder that our prayers are not answered because we revisit our problems and talk about them as our own. When you cast your cares unto the lord, let us leave them there and not take them up by speaking. Only share if you feel in your heart, God wants you too but don’t share information about your mate. If God doesn’t do it, why should we that are supposed to be His imitators. I wish it was easy but it is not. We need to work on it and I know we can make it through Christ who strengthens us.

Brethren, we should train ourselves in the agape kind of love (1Cor 13) so that the eros, phileo can flow from it. When the order is changed then it is all about us. Let our expectations of the other person be realistic. I mean, work on yourself and not to try to put such a demand on the other person that they end up succumbing to the pressure. Well, I show love to them but he/she does not respond. Continue doing good for in due season you will reap. I need to revisit my earlier statement that out of love, actions arise and not vice versa. Our expectations must be right. It is little wonder that some sisters in church say brothers are boring and some brothers that sisters are desperate. (Actually I wrote an article that I titled, “Boring Brothers or Desperate Sisters”) Let love be the driving force in our lives.

Even when it comes to the past, we need to look at it in the light of God’s word. Well, are we supposed to tell all our past escapades? Where is the middle line? Do our mates owe us anything? I will deal with these questions and more in my next part in the commitment to love series which I have titled-The Past and the Commitment to Love. www.rhemalight.com